


Don't Close Your Eyes

by rebeccaofsbfarm



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But this is literally smut embedded in more smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, I'm telling you, Literally the dumbest boys, M/M, Porn with some plot, Smut, So have fun, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:46:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24874843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeccaofsbfarm/pseuds/rebeccaofsbfarm
Summary: Eddie thinks the arrangement he has with Buck is fine until he realizes that Buck can't look at him when they're together. He thinks it's because he's imagining someone else, but could there be another explanation?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 462





	Don't Close Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Becca, do you write anything but songfics? Idk man. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. This idea was nagging at me, sort of short and sweet, so I hope you like it.
> 
> This song is gorgeous and lovely and probably one of the best country songs of all time if you're into that sort of thing. Original is by Keith Whitley.

There’s a scuffle at the door as Buck searches for his keys, patting his jeans and the pockets of his jacket blindly, distracted by Eddie’s mouth hot against his throat. Eddie slides his teeth against Buck’s skin before plucking the keys from his front pants pocket, letting his fingers linger there for a moment before extracting them. Buck fumbles with the keys in his hands, drops them, then reaches to pick them up. Eddie’s hands cup his ass as he bends, thumbing at the middle seam as Buck finally takes hold of his keys and gets the door open.

_The first time is an accident. They had far too much to drink, so they share a Lyft to Buck’s apartment, where he insists on letting Eddie stay long enough to sober up._

_He borrows a pair of Buck’s sweats, and curls up on his couch with a glass of water. Buck sits beside him, flipping through streaming channels until he finds something he’s into, and he tells Eddie it was the first R-rated movie he’d ever seen._

_They’re delirious with drink, and the movie, “Wet Hot American Summer” is hilarious, so he absently falls against Buck’s shoulder, chuckling against him. The movie isn’t the height of comedy, but it’s fun, and Buck seems to be enjoying it. Eddie looks at the time and considers staying the night, sure he still isn’t fit to drive._

_Somewhere in the middle of the movie, the tone shifts and there’s a serious moment between a young Bradley Cooper and somebody else, another man. They kiss each other gently, and Eddie’s mouth purses wantonly. He tries not to remember the last time he kissed someone, because it had been Shannon, and that stirs up more complicated feelings than a simple kiss. Bradley Cooper takes off the other man’s shirt, brings it to his face so he can smell it, and Eddie wonders what another man would smell like. He realizes too late that he’s lifted his face into the curve of Buck’s shoulder, breathing him in, letting the citrus and musk fill his chest. Then the men are against the wall, thrusting against each other, and the shorter of the two is pulling the other’s hair, and it’s rough and dirty and…hot._

_Too late, he realizes that he’s pawing at his erection, tenting in Buck’s sweatpants, and he tries to focus on the movie as it moves on, trying to distract himself, trying to settle himself before Buck notices. When he finally finds the nerve to look over, Buck’s watching him in the light from the television. His tongue slips out of his mouth to moisten his bottom lip, then takes it between his teeth._

_“Eddie, have you ever?”_

_He nods toward the TV set to clarify his meaning. He shakes his head, but his hand has returned to palm his cock through the fabric. Buck holds his gaze as he reaches out incrementally, giving Eddie plenty of time to stop him, but he doesn’t. Instead, Buck covers his hand with his own, then nudges him away, taking his clothed erection into his fist. Eddie groans, tallying how long it’s been since he’s been touched by a hand other than his own. He loses count as Buck constricts his hand, before leaning forward, eyes closed, as he slots his lips against Eddie’s._

_His kiss is hesitant, as are his fingers, but as Eddie’s tongue presses against the seam of his lips, begging for entrance, Buck’s fingers trail toward his waistband, grazing his abdomen as he slips his hand into Eddie’s sweatpants, taking him in hand. Eddie sighs into his mouth, a desperate sound that he’s not proud of, and then he reaches across the space between them, thumbing against Buck’s erection through his basketball shorts. As Buck rolls his foreskin up his shaft, Eddie renews his conviction, dragging his nails downs the trail of blond curls that leads him into Buck’s shorts. He takes him underhand, fisting his cock as Buck adjusts into his grip, shifting his hips forward. They’re both panting, can’t hold onto the kiss, so Buck tucks his face into the curve of Eddie’s neck, leaving desperate kisses below his ear as they keep pace, chasing each other to their climax._

_It’s nearly silent but for their breathing and the slapping of skin, the movie playing forgotten in the background. All Eddie can hear are the groans that catch in Buck’s throat, the pitch rising when he thumbs over the head of Buck’s cock, feeling him leaking with need. He can’t control his own hips as they thrust into Buck’s hand, and as Buck nears his own peak, his fingers tighten around Eddie, and he knows he can’t last much longer, so he tries to warn Buck._

_“Fuck, I’m g—”_

_That’s as far as he makes it, before he spills over Buck’s hand, saturating his sweats. Buck’s hand spasms, springing open with his own orgasm, and Eddie feels the wet warmth against his own palm. They both curse under their breath, but there’s a sense of mutual satisfaction there that smothers the possible embarrassment. They begin chuckling, and the tension breaks, so Buck points toward the loft._

_“Should we wash up?” he asks, pulling the fabric away from his body uncomfortably. “It’s too late for you to go home now. After that, I can hardly make you sleep on the couch.”_

_Eddie nods, wonders what will happen when they make it upstairs, but their limbs are heavy, so they share the shower, but only to wash, before Buck throws the soiled laundry in his hamper and hands Eddie another pair of sweats. He prefers to sleep with a shirt on, so he takes one off the floor, cautiously bringing it to his nose to mimic the scene in the movie, and it smells of detergent and sweat and a smell he can recognize immediately as belonging to Buck._

_Buck watches him curiously as he pulls the shirt over his head, then waits for Buck to choose a side before climbing into bed with him. He’s unsure of how to proceed after falling apart in Buck’s expert hands, but Buck stays to his side, turning to face the wall, so Eddie takes his cue and turns to face the edge of the loft. It takes him a while to fall asleep to the sound of Buck’s breathing._

They make it inside the apartment, and Buck is tearing at his clothes, his hands finally free. Eddie unbuttons the first few buttons at his neck, then pulls his shirt over his head. Buck drags his hands down Eddie’s chest, looping his fingers into the waistband of his jeans and sliding them toward the center where he undoes the fly. His fingers are deft at this, and before Eddie realizes what’s happening, he’s standing naked in Buck’s kitchen with him fully clothed.

He takes a step back to laugh, directing Buck to take his shirt off, then his pants, before returning to him, his hands cupping Buck’s face as he kisses him, his mouth already open and willing. Eddie pushes him up against the kitchen counter, lets Buck drag his nails against the tight muscle of his ass as he lifts onto the balls of his feet to press against him fully, their erections sliding smoothly against one another.

They’d done this enough times, in enough places, that Buck has sex-proofed the whole apartment. The most serious talk they’d had on the subject had culminated in two sets of pristine test results, so condoms weren’t necessary at least, but there was lube secreted in every corner of this apartment now. Eddie searches blindly in the drawer next to them until he finds an object of the right shape.

“Where do you want me?” Buck asks, so compliant that Eddie can’t wait to kiss him again, so he does, softly. He can’t help but notice that Buck kisses with his eyes closed, doesn’t open them until he’s sure Eddie has moved away from him. Absently, Eddie wonders who he sees.

_Initially, they planned for ‘the incident’ to be a one-off, a pressure valve that had needed to be released. Neither of them had time for a relationship, nor could they return to casual sex, Eddie because of his son and Buck because of his corrected moral compass. Instead, the next time Buck asks if they can share a Lyft home from the bar, Eddie knows what he means by the heady look in his eye._

_This time Buck drops to his knees for him in the loft, and he’s so obliging, opening his mouth wide and letting Eddie fuck his throat. Eddie runs his nails gratefully against Buck’s scalp, wishing he would look up so Eddie could see the desire in his eyes, but his eyes are sealed shut. Deep in his gut, shame burns, not because they are doing this, but because Buck can’t look at him when they do._

_He comes in Buck’s mouth, and only after he swallows does he open his eyes. Eddie tries not to look defeated after a perfectly fantastic blow job, tries to show his appreciation with his own mouth, but he can’t help but feel unfulfilled by what is absent from their encounter._

Eddie is tempted to drag Buck’s ankles out from under him, but decides the hardwood would cause more injury than necessary, so instead he tips his head toward the kitchen floor. It’s one of the few places left unchristened. Buck quirks his brow, intrigued, before he drops onto his knees on the floor. This time Eddie joins him, reaching out to join them together with an open-mouthed kiss as he reaches forward to palm Buck’s erection.

“Lie back,” he directs, and begins to make the usual preparations. Buck stretches out against the wood, his back arching as Eddie spreads him with a finger and then another, and it doesn’t go unnoticed that he stares at the ceiling rather than watch Eddie’s maneuvers.

Eddie convinces himself that he had agreed to this arrangement. It was supposed to be no strings attached, even if one of those fraying strings was his ego and the suspicion that Buck is using him, letting Eddie fuck him, fucking Eddie in return, as just a means to an end.

He tries to drag Buck’s attention to him, letting his fingers trail from his throat down the length of his chest, but Buck focuses on a point over his shoulder, his eyes open and unaware of the man in front of him. He settles over him, then enters him, aggressively, looking for some sort of recognition, an acknowledgement that he is there, that Buck wants to be with him.

Instead, sure enough, Buck’s eyes flutter closed, and Eddie breaks, slipping out and falling onto his chest. Buck makes a sound of desperation at the loss, but Eddie has laid his head against Buck’s sternum, panting and trying to hold back tears. _God, who cries during casual sex?_

“What’s wrong?” Buck asks, and he takes Eddie’s wrists in his, soothing his thumbs over the veins on the inside of his wrist. “Eddie, what happened?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he says, and he lifts up on his hands so he can look Buck in the eyes. “I think this is different for me than it is for you, and if we keep this up, I don’t think we can be friends.”

He catches Buck’s eyes, barely, before they dart away, but what he sees is a flare of emotion. For an instant it had looked like hope, before it tumbled into fear.

“Buck why can’t you look at me?” Eddie asks, and his voice breaks. “Who is it you’re thinking of when you’re with me? Abby? Taylor? Ali? Why am I not enough?”

Buck looks to his side, his eyes settling on a point near his shoulder, and still he refuses to look at him. Eddie moves to stand, shifting onto his knee, but Buck takes a firmer hold of his wrists. He’s sending mixed signals, and Eddie isn’t sure how to take them, so he stays, waiting for some sort of explanation.

“Don’t make me say it,” Buck says, his voice barely a whisper. Eddie watches him closely, sees a tear gather in the corner of his bright blue eyes and threaten to fall. “Please, don’t make me say it.”

“Buck all I’m asking, all I want, is that when we make lo—when we _fuck_ ,” he corrects himself quickly, “that you don’t close your eyes. I want to be with you, and I want you to be with me. But, I can’t take the wondering. Wondering if you’re using me as a placeholder. I can’t.”

Something he has said has caused Buck to turn his face, and Eddie knows he’s a hypocrite, but he didn’t know their last kiss would be the last, and he can’t bear it, so he closes the distance, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to see the rejection on Buck’s face. He’s surprised to find, when he opens them, that Buck is watching him, a careful smile on his face. His eyes are wide open.

“Eddie, I want you to make love to me,” he says, and each word is like a lead weight between them. When Eddie looks into his eyes, he finally sees what Buck had been concealing all this time. It wasn’t disgust he was trying to hide. It was love. “I promise, I want all of you. I want to _see_ all of you. I just couldn’t bear to let myself fall for you just to lose you. Too fucking late I guess.”

“You’re in love with me?” Eddie asks, and he leans down until their bodies are flush, examining the flecks in Buck’s blue irises in a way he hadn’t been allowed before. “All this time? We’ve been fucking around when _you’re_ in love with _me_?”

“I thought it was enough,” Buck admits, cautiously. Eddie realizes that he hasn’t spoken of his own feelings, that Buck still feels exposed and unwanted.

“Oh, Buck,” he soothes, his fingers grazing Buck’s temple cautiously. “It’s not enough for _me_. I want all of you. I want your mornings and your midnights. I want to make love to you and hold you through the night. I want, I want…”

Words fail him, so he peppers kisses down Buck’s throat and across his collarbone. Buck begins to thrust against him, looking for purchase, and his arms loop around Eddie’s neck, holding his eyes as Eddie settles against him, then slips inside him. Buck’s legs cling to Eddie’s hips, and he’s fucking him on the kitchen floor, but this is different. This is a surge of emotion, slow and ceaseless, and Eddie loves watching the way Buck’s eyes spark like static electricity, his arms tightening around Eddie’s neck as he gets close, bodies flush as they come together on the kitchen floor.

They lie there for a few moments on the kitchen floor, kissing absently at whatever skin they can reach, before they realize the discomfort of the hard wood, and Buck suggests his bed. They’ll shower later, but Eddie insists that cleaning themselves would be futile considering his plans for the rest of the evening. This time he doesn’t wait for Buck to choose a side, just takes him with him as he tumbles onto the bed. He drags Buck against him, tangling their limbs and tugging the covers over them, before finding Buck’s beautiful eyes and wondering how he ever doubted them.


End file.
